She invites you out the next night. 'How are you?' she'll say, with the same smile and those bright eyes. Have I forgotten to mention how bright, social, and cool she was? Before you know it, a special feeling begins to crawl up your spine. You start to think in terms of fate and serendipity, and you think to yourself that you were so lucky that you had gone out that night.
She seems to know about your crush; she also seems to avoid that tension. She seems not to directly reject your advances. What's worse, she still wants you around.
After a battle of phone calls and text messages in the following week, with no real success of getting her alone on a date, you find her in a club, again. And there she is, just about to remove her dangling thigh from the lap of a silver-suited man whose lap she's been in for the last hour.
Have you ever felt that before? That funny-and-yet-painful knot somewhere in your heart, a sudden drop in body temprature, the lights going dark, nothing really mattering any more, etc? Your flawless love at the first sight, your happiness for the last week after you met her, the stimulating conversations you had with her, have all been … a dream.
She might run over and grab your hand to introduce you to the silver-suited man. You say to yourself: 'she must care about me.' And you go straight back to where you were the first time you met her, trying to rebuild that connection with the future of your love all over again–only this time with a slashed-up soul in a gallon tank full of bitterness.
My dearest friend, if you ask my advice, I really can't give you a Yes-or-No answer. I've been there many times before and I have learned to spot a club rat before anything even happens. What I can tell you is that if you do feel something special about the girl, you need to go for it. Without trying, how else will you learn this important lession?
There is an underlying cause for a girl to become addicted to night clubs and non-stop expansion of her social circle. That is this: for a woman, getting externally validated by men can be very exciting and satisfying. What I mean by "externally validated" is receiving attention and/or praise usually based on their physical appearance, fashion, or some permutation of those two. It acts sort of like a drug: once you're in, it just feels good to keep at it. And they build up a tolerance, too, which is why they often tend to expand to better- and better-looking men, and higher- and higher-power men. Typically they will dump the lower-status men once they're in the high-power group. The upside is that these interactions represent great networking opportunities–plus, who knows, the chance to meet Mr. Right.
One thing you can do is shift her over to 'The Friend Zone.' Treat her as a friend, with the same brightness and coolness with which she treats you. Don't try to move her by winning her peers, nor testing her every so often to see if she might be interested. If you maintain the relationship as a friendly one, at the very least you still are able to spend time together. You might find it difficult to handle your own feelings towards her; the bad news is that she will see that you have feelings for her, regardless of how well you can hide it.
Nevertheless, whatever you choose to do, the most important principle is that you need to respect a woman's choice of being whoever she wants to be. Just like you would still respect your friend who does a little bit of crack and weed here and there–yes, you might lose her, but you have to be prepared for that anyways, because in life people come and go.
Move on to the next adventure.
